How do you see yourself ? Do you see yourself as valuable? Lovable? Forgivable? Do you see yourself as powerful? How about someone who has promise or hope for the future? Do you feel like you have purpose and that your life has meaning? In other words, do you feel like you are creating some type of value in the world that benefits you, your family and other people?
What about our children? Do they have a clear idea that they have a purpose ? Do they have a clear identity when it comes to understanding and knowing exactly who they are ? What about purpose ? Do our children know and understand that they have gifts and talents to be used for a purpose greater than themselves ?
These are important ideas because we know that anxiety, fear, hopelessness and the incidence of suicide are all increasing over the past decade. The stats tell us that the pandemic is causing tremendous amounts of stress in the lives of our young people. It is also doing significant amounts of damage to their psychological sense of well-being. There also seems to be a lot of confusion when it comes to individual identity. Some would say that we are not only in a pandemic, but we are also dealing with an identity/comparison crisis.
Two big factors seem to be playing a role in all of this. Social isolation being driven by the power and influence of social media and the natural human instinct to compare ourselves to others while we are engaging in social media.
Meanwhile, we just keep scrolling and swiping away. It seems that as we are scrolling and swiping, we are losing our own sense of identity while slowly chipping away at our self-esteem.
Doomscrolling
In my latest book, Challenge Your Fear, Empower Your Spirit, I addressed the idea of “doomscrolling”, here is an excerpt,
This is a culture of hyper-awareness. We are aware of all events globally, all the time. This level of awareness produces a sense of dread and fear. Add to that the news feeds on social media and we have a culture of fear and anxiety. Dr Jeff Gardere coins a term—doomscrolling.
“Doomscrolling is the modern-day equivalent to watching a train wreck . . . It’s really very difficult to look away.”
http://www.thehealthey.com/mental health/what is doomscrolling/
It should also be noted that this isn’t just an accidental phenomenon or a personality quirk. It’s also a business decision. From politicians to tech companies to cell carriers, all kinds of people profit from our being overly-engaged with technology. The more often they can get us to click, the more money they make, says Jeff Gardere, PhD, a psychologist, associate professor, and course director of Behavioral Medicine at Touro College of Osteopathic Medicine in New York City. “It’s in their best interest to do whatever it takes to keep us reading, even if it’s not in our best interest.”
The second part of our battle plan to overcome fear is to become more self-aware. We have already started to look at our thoughts, especially the repetitive ones. By understanding exactly what the news media and streaming sites and websites need, we can be the smart ones and be aware of what is going on so that we are not the victims of media manipulation and click-bait.
When we see an article about how great a celebrity looks at fifty, and then we click on it, someone is getting paid. You are the product and your attention has a dollar value. An important step that is a prerequisite to controlling our thoughts is to discriminate and be intelligent about what we choose to give our attention to.
Challenge Your Fear, Empower Your Spirit (see link below)
Most of our news feeds and information searching leads us to websites that have a negative bent to them. People are trying everything in their power to get our attention and that means posting things that have three qualities,
- Something unique
- Something dangerous or a threat
- Something valuable
One thing that I have come to realize is that most of the websites or news feeds or informational social media sites have tons of posts with warnings and scare tactics. They have to get your attention fast or you will just ignore them. That is why there is so much “click bait” being posted.
The other thing I’ve noticed is that when it comes to celebrity posts or posts from “social media famous” people, their focus is on inspiring envy. There is a huge emphasis on wealth, houses, cars, and jewelry. There is a lot of “look at me!!” “Don’t you wish you were me !!”
Here is a prime example of this type of posting
Kim Kardashian posted this image on her Instagram account showing a ring worth 3.5 million British pounds. According to the person who robbed her at gunpoint just after the posting, he said, “she made herself an easy target.”
Did she deserve to be robbed at gunpoint? Heck no. But, there are clearly repercussions to flashing your expensive jewelry pieces online for the world to see. Needless to say, Kim does not post any pictures with expensive jewelry anymore.
Life Watching
In my second book Discover Your Passion, Release Your Power, I went over the idea of life watching,
Clarissa Silva, a scientist and relationship expert stated in an article:
Social media has been linked to higher levels of loneliness, envy, anxiety, depression, narcissism and decreased social skills. As a Behavioral Scientist, I wonder what causes this paradox? The narratives we share and portray on social media are all positive and celebratory. It’s a hybridized digital version of “Keeping up with the Joneses.” Meaning for some, sometimes it appears everyone you know are in great relationships, taking 5-star vacations and living your dream life. However, what is shared across our social networks only broadcasts the positive aspects of our lives-the highlight reels. Since we’re only getting people’s highlight reels and comparing it to ourselves, it is natural to have reactions to what we’re watching. How does this impact relationships, dating and our love lives? I conducted in-depth interviews with men and women, ranging from ages 28-73, that are active social media users and found that:
- 60% of people using social media reported that it has impacted their self-esteem in a negative way
- 50% reported social media having negative effects on their relationships
- 80% reported that is easier to be deceived by others through their sharing on social media
Match reported 51% say social media has made them feel more self-conscious about their appearance. Flores further explains “research has also shown that Facebook users are becoming increasingly depressed from comparing themselves to their own profile. Meaning that if a person’s reality does not match the digital illusion they post on their profiles, emotionally, one may feel they are not living up to the “best” form of themselves.
What I would argue is that we should be spending time finding our “authentic self,” not creating an artificial one. We should devote time to discovering exactly who we were created to be. We can’t find our true or authentic selves by watching other people live out their lives. It is becoming a sport or form of entertainment—life watching. We know that the people whose lives are being watched or who have millions of followers are benefiting financially, receiving millions of dollars for posting pictures of themselves using products. What are we getting?
[i] https://www.huffpost.com/entry/social-medias-impact-on-self-esteem_b_58ade038e4b0d818c4f0a4e4.
So what are we getting when we are either “doomscrolling” or “life watching”? Anxiety, loss of self esteem, depression, fear, and hopelessness. That is what happens when you spend significant amounts of time “escaping reality” by following celebrities or watching Tik Tok videos all day. It is focusing all our time and energy watching other people’s lives while totally ignoring our own. Why does this matter ? Because if you have no sense of purpose or meaning in your life, your sense of fulfillment, joy, peace and well-being are at risk.
“Doomscrolling” and “life watching” are activities promoted and furthered by social media. This is a huge social experiment that no one bothered to think about or stop to figure out if there were any negative consequences to these activities. One thing I’ve noticed lately is that there seems to be a kind of kind of undercurrent of suicide that we are starting to see more recently around people who are celebrities involving their children.
Some of these include Christian recording artist Toby Mac. Lisa Marie Presley and actress Regina King. All have lost children due to suicide.
Some skeptics may argue that suicide and depression have been around for years so this is nothing new. The statistics are telling a differenct story.
Some studies show the rates have increased up to sixty percent.
Being an emergency room physician, I noticed the increasing number of overdoses and suicide attempts among teenagers starting around 2008 or 2009, just about the time that social media sites began to explode in popularity.
The researchers above don’t believe social media is playing the most important role and they claim economic factors and climate change could be playing a role.
Economic factors and climate change? Really? Talk about burying your head in the sand.
From what I can see, it is clear that social media is playing a prominent role here because economic factors and climate change don’t cause young people to feel socially isolated and they don’t result in overwhelming hopelessness, worthlessness and helplessness. Those are the characteristics of the mental state that people tend to be dealing with when they reach the point of suicidal ideation. Once they start thinking about suicide then they can move to the planning stage which often leads to acting on those dangerous thoughts and ideas.
Thought of hopelessness and worthlessness are dangerous also because frankly, those thoughts are lies. Every single one of us has worth and value. We also have hope.
We know we have value because Jesus paid the highest price for us. On the Cross. The Cross screams value, worth and hope.
Why get worked up about these ideas ? Why bother harping on these issues ?
Exposed to Suicide Early
When I was in high school working as an emergency medical technician (EMT) I had a friend who worked as an orderly on the medical floor. We were both interested in becoming physicians and he was already a freshman in college. I would frequently talk to him about how rigorous the academics were and would ask his advice about classes and school work etc. He was one of those people who was clearly gifted and blessed. This guy had everything going for him. He was athletic, very smart and he was a good looking young man with an engaging personality and tons of charisma. Well, one day I came into work on a Sunday morning and was told that he had committed suicide in front of his home sitting in his car. He shot himself.
That event had an impact on me at the time because I was overwhelmed by a combination of sadness and confusion. I was 17 years old at the time and I just couldn’t understand why someone with so much potential and with so many blessings and gifts would do such a thing.
I do want to qualify my remarks with the fact that I wasn’t aware of any clinical depression that he could have been dealing with or some other form of mental illness. We used to talk at work, but he never mentioned depression or he never seemed to be upset or down at all. We know that many times suicide is an impulsive act that is done without much thought. Pastor Rick Warren says that “suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.”
Every time I think back to that time decades ago, I always come up with the same vivid image, this young man is standing in front of Jesus and he is being asked, ” I gave you time, energy, health, intelligence and every possible blessing you can imagine. Why did you throw it all away?” I think about how many people he could have taken care of as a physican and how many people he could have brought to Jesus because he was a young man who had a very strong faith.
I shared his story with my children over and over again to get them to realize two things. One, if they are having problems or feel depressed or suicidal, they can come to their mom and dad to talk about it. Two, suicide is never the answer because we are going to be held accountable for our gifts and talents and what we choose to do with them. We all have potential and we all have purpose.
If we decide to commit suicide, purpose and potential are lost forever. If young people can’t see that they themselves have a true purpose or that they are loaded with grace filled, God given potential, then suicide is a viable option.
That is why I like studying near death experiences. They give us the answers to the test before we take the test. They also outline the value of purpose in our lives and give us spiritual guidance that we can’t find anywhere else besides the bible. From my own experience, they are eminently valuable.
In one NDE that I was reading, it was curious to me that the person who had been near death was having a conversation with her brother in law who had died by suicide 7 months previously. He told her, “you can’t take your own life. That isn’t the answer, that won’t do it. You have to live your life’s purpose.”
Ring, Kenneth, “Lessons from the Light” p 29.
Identity: Discovered, Not Created
Many people are under the mistaken impression that you can create your own personal truth and that you create your own identity. Therein lies the problem. There is really no such thing as “my truth” there is only “The Truth” and Jesus already told us that he is “The Truth”.
Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. (John 14:6 NIV)
Because of freewill, we are free to choose to believe what Jesus says or we can ignore his Word. That is the beauty of freewill and that is the requirement of a loving, thriving relationship. It is our choice to love someone. It is our choice to spend time with someone. There is no love without freewill. It is impossible. Love is also invisible until there is action.
“Then You are a king!” Pilate said.
“You say that I am a king,” Jesus answered. “For this reason I was born and have come into the world, to testify to the truth. Everyone who belongs to the truth listens to My voice.”
“What is truth?” Pilate asked. (John 18:37-38 NLT)
When we belong to the truth, we listen to the voice of Jesus. It is similar when it comes to Identity. We cannot discover WHO we are until we know WHOSE we are. We were created IN Christ Jesus.
For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast. For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them. (Ephesians 2:8-10 NIV)
One part of our identity that is difficult to grasp or comprehend is that we were saved by grace. Grace means undeserved favor. That means that every single person who is alive today is filled with grace. Especially here in the United States, We all are experiencing undeserved favor. When we can’t see or recognize that, we do not “belong to the truth” or we are living in the world of envy or entitlement.
When we can clearly see the many blessings bestowed on us and we value our salvation that comes about only by grace, then we notice the second part of the above verse. We were created for something. For good works. We have a purpose, we have meaning and God has a plan for our lives. That is the essence of what it means to discover your Authentic Self. It is the genuine, unadulterated, spirit driven, focused version of you that is closest to what God had in mind for you.
This is what it means to be a child of God and to know your identity. When you realize this, you walk in confidence, boldness and competence.
Guided and Driven By Lies
The problem at this time is that many young people are influenced by social media and culture. They start believing the lie that how you feel is what determines your identiy. They argue that identity is fluid and it can change from the morning to the evening depending on how you feel. Many people who have had experience in life understand that if they allow emotions to dominate and rule their lives, they are headed for disaster.
Also we know from statistics that there are millions of people many of who are Christian believers, who have no sense of purpose or meaning in their lives,
“More than 100 million American adults who describe themselves as Christian contend that despite their commitment to God they are still searching for clarity regarding their purpose in life. Tens of millions of self-described Christians feel unfulfilled in life, admit they lack direction,and are disappointed that their faith has not produced the kind of meaning and identity they need, and question whether their life makes a difference.”
[1] Barna,George “Maximum Faith” Metainformation/SGG/WHCP; 1st edition (March 1,2011)p 10
When we are confused about our own identity and we don’t have the guidance and protection of purpose and meaning in our lives, we then slowly drift towards a place where many people are deciding to set up shop and build their cabins. It is the land where we believe we are hopeless, helpless, worthless and powerless.
Sometimes we create a false identity and we create “our truth”. This is when we get into dangerous territory. I was watching a documentary on Hugh Hefner. Here is a man who created an identity for himself and in the process left a wake of pain, suffering and abuse. There can be no denying that fact.
We can create a false purpose or plan for our lives when we decide to be the little g gods in our own lives. We choose the purpose or plan that is easy or comfortable. We then conform our behavior to fit our easy, safe, comfortable plan.
The hard part for us to understand and truly embrace is that we don’ t get to choose our purpose. At the same time, we can feel comfortable and confident with God’s plan because His plan is always perfect. More than likely His plan is what is best for us. We just have to trust him.
Well then, you might say, “Why does God blame people for not responding? Haven’t they simply done what he makes them do?”
No, don’t say that. Who are you, a mere human being, to argue with God? Should the thing that was created say to the one who created it, “Why have you made me like this?” When a potter makes jars out of clay, doesn’t he have a right to use the same lump of clay to make one jar for decoration and another to throw garbage into? In the same way, even though God has the right to show his anger and his power, he is very patient with those on whom his anger falls, who are destined for destruction. He does this to make the riches of his glory shine even brighter on those to whom he shows mercy, who were prepared in advance for glory. And we are among those whom he selected, both from the Jews and from the Gentiles.
(Romans 19-24 NIV)
Below is an excerpt from some comments made by singer/actress Selena Gomez. She describes how social media distorted her own view of herself and how negative critiques ate away at her own true or authentic version of herself. She realized that her uniqueness is what truly made her beautiful.
“At one point Instagram became my whole world, and it was really dangerous. In my early 20s, I felt like I wasn’t pretty enough. There was a whole period in my life when I thought I needed makeup and never wanted to be seen without it,” she admitted.
Gomez said she learned to “take control of what I was feeling” as she grew older and worked on her self-confidence. This involved “taking a break from social media,” which she said “was the best decision that I’ve ever made for my mental health.”
“The unnecessary hate and comparisons went away once I put my phone down,” she explained. “I’ll have moments where that weird feeling will come back, but now I have a much better relationship with myself.”
A very important point to remember is that the comparisons that we undergo when we are heavily engaged in social media are subconscious. Many times we are unaware of them and they have an impact on our mood and especially on our own view of ourselves.
“Comparison is the thief of joy” Theodore Roosevelt
A Family Of Purpose
This is one of my favorite descriptions of how purpose and meaning play a role in our lives to give us guidance, direction and protection. These are the ideas we can instill into our children to give them a sense of hope and power. This descriptor is from best-selling author Jordan Peterson
“If you have no meaning you are anxious and overwhelmed, we know this from a neuropsychological viewpoint, because purpose gives you a game to play and rules to follow. Purpose gives you something to aim at and positive emotion. Without purpose you are left with inalienable suffering . . . All the meaning in your life is going to come about because of the idea of accepting responsibility. You need the sustaining meaning because otherwise you suffer stupidly and you get bitter, you get resentful and you get cruel and then you get homicidal and then genocidal. That is the whole pathway.”[1]
http://www.youtube.com/watch/v=1opHWsHr798&t=6389s
Notice the idea of accepting responsibility. It’s the “it’s on me” attitude. This is important for us if we want to instill the ideas of identity and purpose into our own family members.
If we are dealing with feelings of worthlessness or hopelessness or helplessness, or our children are struggling with these thoughts, the best answer for everyone is to put Jesus in the center of the family.
Jesus is the most unique person to ever live and he offers us more than any human being ever could. He singlehandedly gives us purpose and meaning when we grow and develop our relationship with Him. When we can see ourselves the way Jesus sees us, we know that we have value, worth, hope and power. Just by looking at the cross, we have the power of the resurrection available to each and every one of us.
When we instill the ideas of purpose and meaning into our children and they begin to understand their value, their focus shifts. It moves toward a goal and we begin to see focus and goal oriented behavior. With no focus or aim, life is simply too difficult to bear without falling into hopelessness or despair.
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ in his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead and into an inheritance that can never perish spoil or fade. (1 Peter 1:3-4, NLT)
This is a hope that is alive and has power. When we embrace these ideas and we instill them into our children, we are creating a Family of Purpose. This is a direct challenge to Satan and we are doing our part to confront evil in the world because we know that he doing everything he can to destroy families.
This creates focus and gives us the tools we need to combat those feelings of worthlessness, hopelessness or helplessness. When people fling critiques at us or our children we can respond:
“Your opinion of me is none of my business. Jesus says I have value and I have worth. He created me this way and he gave me all the gifts and talents I need to fulfill my purpose. He never makes mistakes and it is His opinion that is most important.”
My most recent book, Challenge Your Fear, Empower Your Spirit is available on Amazon for .99 cents. Here is the link
You can also buy all three of my books for 3 dollars on Amazon. Here is the link
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B08C8KNRFY?ref_=dbs_p_mng_rwt_ser_shvlr&storeType=ebooks
God bless, and have a great day !!
YBIC
Johnny Cavazos MD